What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
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