I'm eating all of the evidence.
only if we run a train.
done.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
