i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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