I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
