I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Randomize
