I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
