My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
