well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
