well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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