wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
