I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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