The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
