they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
