Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
