three words: i give head
three words: not that well
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
