i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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