For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
