now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
