My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
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