Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
