he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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