Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize