I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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