Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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