I'm sorry my penis didn't work
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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