I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
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I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
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I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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