our cab driver is having phone sex.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
