I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
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you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
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I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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