Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
