I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
