Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
