I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
