you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
