im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
