D3 body, D1 cock
so explain again why im purple
no
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
