please come you make the beer taste better
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
