a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
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we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lo siento on account of my penis...
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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