I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Randomize
