My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
