How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
