Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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