she kept yelling 'call me bella'
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
you made out with another girl for some wings
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
