Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
