After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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