You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
