Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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