I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
