I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
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Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
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Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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