Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
