She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
