im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
