I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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