I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
