I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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