She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
