Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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