In the future we'll all be gay
Where did you get a picture of my penis
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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