I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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