You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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