I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
